A Horrible Week For the Sandersons
What does the Brandon Sanderson Wired article and Gwyneth Paltrow have in common? You wouldn't want to be named Sanderson this week.
Gwyneth Paltrow made some headlines … because of her $1 lawsuit win … but also because of what she said to Dr. Terry Sanderson right before she left the courtroom. This was a pop culture moment that I like to call the “Southern Stinger” (capitalized because, omg, it sounds like a drink name, doesn’t it?).
My good friend A.C. Towns told me of the Southern Stinger. This is a Southern tradition of smiling very politely at a person, and in a sweet voice, tell them to go you-know-where. This technique is great, because on the surface it looks like you are the perfect Southern belle. But you basically told them off … and if they react, then the other person looks like the crazy one.
Well, Gwyneth Paltrow pulled a Southern Stinger when she whispered “I wish you well” to Dr. Terry Sanderson as she was leaving the courtroom. Paltrow had just won her countersuit against Sanderson for $1 plus her legal fees.
Bruh, that’s the next level of cruelty. Like the Southern Stinger on acid. I’m going to name that drink The Paltrow.
I’m sitting over here, on one hand, amazed that our society is even watching this trial like it was a boxing match. Since when were live trials live action?
And then, The Paltrow with the left hook.
In totally unrelated news, Brandon Sanderson got a right hook when Wired writer Jason Kehe wrote a … very uncomplimentary article about the mega fantasy writer. Among other things, Kehe called Sanderson … Brandon, that is … a “weirdo Mormon.”
In the article, Kehe tries to understand why Brandon Sanderson is so ultra god-like because no one every writes about him, his writing is about the level of a sixth grader, and he’s strange. (Those are all his opinions, not mine. I think Brandon Sanderson is awesome if not verbose.)
Maybe nobody writes about you, I say to Sanderson, because you don’t write very well.
I do, of course, have the answer. Brandon Sanderson is godlike because he’s the God of Nerds. I mean, the dude has a Brandon-con. He hosts an entire convention so people can celebrate his godliness. Apparently, nerdiness is next to godliness.
Have you ever seen The Big Bang Theory? Brandon Sanderson is The Big Bang Theory on acid. He’s the Brandon Theory.
Maybe Brandon Sanderson should tell Jason Kehe that he wishes him well.
Or maybe Jason Kehe should visit Gwyneth Paltrow and write an article about her. So the internet can go from celebrating her mega-Southern Stinger back to hating her guts (which I’ve never understood btw).
All I can say is, if your last name is Sanderson, you might want to visit a Catholic church and throw holy water on your head.
You may have noticed (or not, my feelings won’t be hurt) that I haven’t written a newsletter in a while. That’s mostly because I’ve been lazy, but I have also been doing a lot of thinking and planning. I started writing on Medium, which I write mostly about writing on Medium.
I’m currently reading Forever Young by Dr. Mark Hyman (affiliate link). The summary of this book: eat healthy and exercise regularly.
You’ll also notice that I’ve kept the top part (the funny part), but I’m including more stuff for those who upgrade to a paid subscription (the legal not-really-funny part). Readers of my blog know that I write book reviews of legal thrillers, some random legal information, current pop culture cases, and sometimes case reviews of old Supreme Court cases. So you will be getting all of that kind of information if you upgrade.
As promised last year, it’s now going to be a weekly newsletter. I hope everyone enjoys the new format!
Also, I’m going to import all my old blog posts (with new introductions), so you might see those too. I’ll let everyone know the posts that I’ve imported if you want to read the free or paid versions.
You can read about why Dr. Terry Sanderson may have to pay Gwyneth Paltrow’s legal fees.