My Life With Joe - Hibernating Alligators Are The Best Kind
I hate alligators. And crocodiles. And sharks. And everything in nature.
So I went to the Sunshine State to meet up with some of my good writer friends. These three other people have encouraged me these past few years as I go through my Master’s degree in writing. We’ve read each other’s stuff, we talked shop, and we’ve written. Life is good.
Joe's response to alligators, crocodiles, and sharks in the Florida Everglades. He's pretending to be ferocious.
But I Still Hate Alligators
I joked around with my friends that I highly dislike alligators, crocodiles, and sharks. That’s because they are scary and tend to eat things, namely, they eat humans.*
Sure, here in the U.S., we have our share of scorpions and snakes and spiders. And bears, if you go camping. [One reader astutely noted that some bears, in fact, do eat people.] And while those things are dangerous … there is a special kind of nightmarish fear for Things That Eat Us.
Just so you know … so you, too, can have nightmares about these things … there is one place on earth that has ALL THREE.
We named this place “Florida.” Florida loosely translates into hot and humid place that has human eating animals roaming wild that the State does nothing about because it’s too damn scary. I know there is an acronym in there somewhere, but the only thing I could come up with is the “d” and “a” for “damn alligators.”
(Florida actually means something like “lots of flowers.”)
To be exact, I am talking about the Florida Everglades, which, thankfully, was far away from where I stayed. Also, just so you know, the Florida Everglades are home to fire ants, scorpions, bears, AND poisonous snakes. A haven of human-devouring or poisonous animals.**
More FYI … the person who
discovered found Florida for a European nation was Juan Ponce de León, who died when he was attacked by the indigenous Calusas in the … you guessed it … the Florida Everglades. I’m saying it once more. That’s the SAME PLACE … the only place on earth … that has alligators, crocodiles, AND sharks. And scorpions, bears, snakes, and fire ants.
I’m fairly certain that Ponce de León died because some Calusas thought he was a strange species of alligator.
But! Wait! Alligators and crocodiles hibernate. In. The. Winter. Florida is safe from human-eating-things for a little while. (The alligators were hibernating during my trip to Florida.) This explains a lot, like snow birds and retirees.
* One of my friends ate a meal of alligators. Take that, Everglades!
** The Florida Everglades also has poison ivy and poison oak.
The Book Promos
We have two books and two giveaway promotions this newsletter!
Next up, I Know Who Killed Your Daughter by Tim Kizer & James Rice. This strikes at the heart of me because I could imagine no nightmare more horrible than something happening to my daughter. Even seeing an alligator!
And we have an all-genre giveaway to celebrate the new year! I bet you can pick up something great.
Last but not least, we have another New Year giveaway. Between these two, I bet you can find something to read for all year long.
Last newsletter, I promised that I would unveil my old web site that I’ve been working on, and here it is: Let Go Of Being Perfect. This site is a crafting site, mostly for sewing tutorials and refashioning clothing. I’ve done a lot of work these past few weeks, including writing a new post about making heart cut outs in your t-shirt. If you want to be inundated with awesome sewing tutorials for Valentine’s Day, I wrote one for 70+ sewing projects.
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