"You've Got To Be Kidding Me!"
Let's all fight over a table
The other day, I went to Panera Bread, who has an unlimited coffee subscription for $8.99 per month (with the first three months for free).* I noticed this humongous SUV that was taking up several parking spots. The driver parked this way so that the car was completely underneath the shade of a tree.
I decided to take a photograph to text to my husband, so I leaned against my car and pretended** that I was text messaging.*** Then, I went inside and ordered a cup of coffee and a salad. Except that there was literally not a single available table, inside or out, and several tables that were marked "do not sit" that people ignored due to the fact that there was literally not a single available table.
* This is not a paid sponsorship.
** I was texting messaging.
*** I was probably extremely obvious that I was taking the picture. But whatevs.
So me being me, I asked for to-go container for the soup. After hearing my plight, the manager makes a round to look for a table for me and then tells the person preparing food to put my soup into a to-go container. The person preparing food obviously needed someone to tell her to do that because she didn't just hear me say that there weren't any available tables and I would appreciate a to-go container.
For some unknown reason, the manager goes to the back area (where there are tables), and she tells me that one is available. I take my coffee and rush over to claim it, and the manager follows closely behind me to bring me out my food. Something, btw, that Panera Bread used to do for every order but no longer does.
A man who was waiting for an open table and decided to grab said table (but was too slow), said very, very, very loudly, "You've got to be kidding me!" He then throws up his hands and very, very, very dramatically huffs back to the table he was previously at, which wasn't actually available but he pretends he doesn't see the "don't sit here" sign that is very, very, very prominently displayed.
He also gives me the stink eye. The coffee shop stink eye. It’s very real, y’all.****
At any rate, I offered to let him sit with me, which he not so very, very, very graciously accepted. We make nice-nice, he introduces himself, I introduce myself, then we pretend that he didn't have a coffee shop temper tantrum.
He then tells me the story about how he parked his humongous SUV underneath a tree and waited for Panera Bread to have tables available.
Just remember, folks, take lots of pictures not-so-very-very-very secretly because you never know when you'll invite the person whose picture you just took to sit with you at Panera Bread.
**** Totally random fact, but I just looked up "coffee shop stink eye" and came up with Smelly Cat Coffeeshop. Also, if you want some coffee, consider buying Grounds & Hounds as they donate to organizations that help doggies and kitties. Seriously, what could be better??? Coffee and Doggies??? omg wtf lol and whatever three letter acronym you can think of. gtfo. Oh, wait, that's four letters.
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